The luxury of knowing what works for me.
It’s a very quiet luxury, and I think it’s one that comes in hot during this particular season I like to call midlife (even though I doubt I’m even close to midlife, considering my grandmother died at 102 and her sisters all died older than she did…good health and longevity are real in my genes).
It’s a kind of magic, though. It’s the kind of magic that you don’t see coming, but it hits you hard and fast, and it feels so good. Suddenly, and without warning, you wake up one morning with a different mindset. And that mindset is knowing what works for you.
You stop asking, “Is this what everyone is doing?” and you start asking, “Do I even like this?” and that moment will stop you right in your tracks, because it’s pure, unequivocal fucking LUXURY.
When the trends stop bossing you around.
The world likes to tell us what’s in and what’s not. It likes to tell us where we should vacation and what we should do. How we should do it, and what we like. It likes to tell us all the things…but we don’t have to listen.
For example, the world likes to tell us that leggings are not pants. But guess what? You can pry my Spanx faux leather leggings off my cold, dead body because I’m never giving those up. The world doesn’t get to dictate the fact that I look banging in a pair of those, and I know it.
The world tells us that we are bringing back low-rise baggy jeans. Well, guess the fuck what? Those don’t look good on anyone, and I don’t like them. And I won’t be wearing them. And that’s a lovely feeling.
The freedom of a personal formula.
I like dinner at 5:30, and I like to be showered and in pajamas by 7 pm. I don’t like plans on Friday nights. I don’t like plans on Sundays at any point during the day. I don’t like plans two nights in a row. I like to be in bed by 8:30. I’d rather read than watch television.
Those things work for me. And they don’t work for other people. That’s all right. I know what works for me, and the luxury of realizing that these things are what work best in my life has changed my life.
Now that I’ve decided to allow that quiet luxury to rule my life, I’m so much happier. Doing things my way because I finally realize that just because my way isn’t the popular way doesn’t make it wrong is such a gorgeous feeling.
Let’s talk about taste (mine, not everyone else’s).
My version of quiet luxury looks like this:
- No loud restaurants
- No chain restaurants
- No Trendy color palettes (I love color)
- No Overscheduling my life
- No Trendy anything
There was a time in my life when I adored our local martini bar. It’s dark, ambient, quiet, and it was never busy. It was a little more upscale than anything else around here, and I adored it. And then they started letting people into the martini bar with beer bottles. And then they started having live music in the back room. Then they started letting people in dressed in their boat clothes and fishing gear, and the vibe changed. The class was gon,e and it became loud, abrasive, and absolutely not my vibe. If you catch me in there now, it’s because it’s 5 pm and no one is there yet or because it’s a weeknight. I don’t do loud. I don’t do casual. I don’t do the party scene.
Give me a dark old-world bar with real champagne and a lovely wine list, low lighting, and soft jazz playing quietly in the background. I’m not ordering complicated coffee. Just black, please. I’m not buying a trendy outfit. I’m not buying cheap shoes. I’m not driving a vehicle without a sunroof. I’m not living for summer when I prefer fall. I’m not accepting an invitation if I know the guest list isn’t my vibe. There are so many things that I have the luxury of loving without caring how others feel, and it’s very nice.
There’s confidence in repeating myself.
Quiet luxury in knowing what works for me means there’s a lot of repetitiveness in my life. I like to vacation in the same places. I like to order the same things when I’m out. I like to go to the same restaurants. I like to read books by the same author. I like to cook certain meals during certain seasons. I like to buy the same outfit in 7 colors. If something works for me, I’m all in.
I’m not rebranding myself to fit in with others when I have no desire to fit in with others. I’m not rebranding myself to meet the trends or make other people feel more comfortable. Nor should you. Repeat yourself. It’s okay. You. Do. You. Boo. Make you happy.
What the quiet luxury of really knowing yourself and what works for you really looks like.
- Leaving early
- Saying no, thank you
- Saying that’s not for me without explanation
- Not worrying about how others feel about your decisions
- Calmness
- Confidence
- Unbothered-ness (is that a word? Did I just make that a word?)
Being a midlife mom of four and a long-term wife to one has taught me so many things, but mainly that this is such a fucking fabulous age. You just stop caring. You just don’t worry anymore. You just do you, and that’s fine. You realize that this is your life and you are the main character in it – and you start living life that way. I cannot explain to you just how good that actually feels. Please, try it.
Tiffany Raiford 