I Got Rid of My SUV for a Minivan: Here’s Why

Happy Tuesday, and happy August, loves!

I have been getting so many messages about my new ride, and I thought I’d answer the FAQs about it right here. So, last week when we returned from our two-week trip to the Carolinas, I bought a 2019 Chrysler Pacifica Limited. I traded my GMC Acadia Denali for it, and I don’t regret it in the least – for several reasons I will get into.

First and foremost, I’ve been trying to convince my husband to get the minivan since February. We had one as a rental when we landed in Dallas to surprise my grandmother for her birthday, and the kids and I fell in love with it. It had so much more space than my SUV, but it also felt more like driving a car.

  • I’ve always had a coupe or a convertible (until kids) so that felt good to me
  • I’ve never been a fan of the full-size SUV and their truck-like build
  • I can’t drive a full-size SUV with four kids unless it’s the XL version, and I’m really uncomfortable driving that (honestly, the Acadia had 25 cubic feet in the trunk to the regular size Yukon’s 14 feet…explain to me how that is even possible?)

Honestly, I would have purchased a new Acadia Denali, but GMC changed the body style the model year after I bought mine and shrunk the new ones – a lot. I was left without many options. I never considered the minivan in the past because I’d been in several, and I just didn’t like them. Until the Pacifica. It’s so not minivan-like. I love it! It has every single thing that my Denali had, and it feels like I’m not downgrading or giving anything up. But, I’ll get back to that.

My husband tried so hard to drive home in a Yukon XL Denali or a Suburban, but ultimately, the decision was mine and it was alllll minivan! My Denali just turned three and a half, and I put over 150,000 miles on it in that time (I think the final reading was 153k when we pulled into the dealership). I drive a LOT with four kids and their activities and our activities and such. I’ve had two SUVs since the twins were born, and I put 120k on the first and 150k on the second. And the check engine light came on the day I got rid of it. Call me crazy, but I’m down for oil changes, tire rotations, new lights or wipers, and new tires, but I draw the line at keeping a vehicle when it needs actual work. So, here are the reasons I chose the minivan over the SUV.

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The Size

We have four kids, and two of them are five and very, very tiny. They struggle hard to get out of the Denali, and it’s not the full-size. One of us has to help them every single time, and I knew that would be a problem going into kindergarten and dropping them off and picking them up in the car line. The full-size XL SUVs my husband tried so hard (and so diligently) to get me to buy are just too tall. The twins couldn’t get in and out of them to save their lives.

Additionally, I just have so much more room in the seats in the minivan. Even in the Suburban, we cannot put a car seat in the third row. There’s no room for little feet to come off the end. They’d both have to go in the middle row, and that doesn’t work with a bench seat (which was a must for me if we went full-size. I’m not driving a full-size car and only having 7 seats like a regular size car) that needs to be put down on one side for access to the third row.

One more thing about that, too, is the console. It’s huge in the SUVs, and I feel like I’m cramped in the front. The minivan has a big, open console that leaves so much extra space – and all those arm rests. I’m legit a convert. I don’t know if I  can drive anything else at this point.

The Sunroof

Listen, I’m a snob. I know it, I’m not ashamed of it. I’m good. But there is one thing that I just cannot do, and that is downgrade to a basic sunroof. I’ve had a panoramic sunroof in my cars since November 2007 when I found out I was pregnant with our first and immediately decided to buy the 2008 Lincoln MKX and become an SUV driving mom. I haven’t had a regular size sunroof since, and I feel almost claustrophobic when I get into a car with a small one. And, yes, I know that it’s not a necessity, but it is for me. I need to have it at least popped open a little when I drive. Always.

The full-size SUVs don’t have them. The minivan has three sunroofs. A giant one in front, an even bigger one in the middle, and a big one in the back. Decision made.

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The USB Ports

While the full-size XL SUVs are great, they also don’t have a USB port in all the seats for each child. With four kids, I need that. Tablets, phones, etc. The USB ports in the SUVs are all in the front, which means more work for us when we are driving and in the passenger seat. No thanks.

The Vacuum

If I’m being completely honest here, this is the main reason I chose the minivan over the bigger Denali. It has a built in vacuum (with attachments!!!!!!!!) in the third row. If you know me, you know that I have a small shop vacuum that sits on the seat of our golf cart in our garage (when we are using the golf cart, of course) and I grab it every single time we get out of my car and run it over the floors and seats. It takes me all of 30 seconds, and I always have a spotless car. I cannot drive if there is a mess. I cannot drive if there is food, dirt, mud, a leaf – whatever – on the floor. I feel dirty and gross, and I cannot do it. So, having a built-in vacuum was a game-changing winner for me. And the primary reason I chose the minivan.

Other factors include the shades on the back windows, the fact that the third-row seat reclines almost all the way down, which the kids love, and the fact that I don’t have to do spend 5 minutes warning the kids that I will open their doors when we park. They can’t hit another car with sliding doors, which is a HUGE win for me.

My husband isn’t 100 percent into the minivan. Actually, he’s basically 40 percent. He knows that it’s what I want, and while he might try to persuade me to get something else, he would never tell me no or encourage me not to get what I want. So, he’s happy that I’m happy, and we are both happy that the kids love it.

Will I ever go back to driving an SUV? I don’t know. Probably not at this point. But, as someone wise said, an SUV is a stuff mover and a minivan is a people mover. Right now, I have a lot of people I need to move. And that is a win.

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Botox: Answers to the Questions I’m Asked the Most

Happy Monday, loves!

Is anyone else as tired as I am going into this Monday? What was meant to be a laid back weekend ended up being jampacked with fun, and I’m not complaining! I spent Friday shopping with my mom and my four littles. Saturday I got the house to myself – and I stayed in my office working – while my husband took the kids shopping and out to lunch so that I could have a little peace and quiet to get things done (the one thing about owning your business and working for yourself is you don’t get ‘vacation time’…you get to work ahead and do things so you can take time off). After that, we had the most fun Filet Saturday dinner at home with our best friends, we spent Sunday with them on the boat, and then we came home so my husband could spend the evening tiling our oldest daughter’s bathroom.

The weekend before, we spent Saturday moving her upstairs. We have a second master suite upstairs, and she’s been eyeing it for a while, and we don’t blame her. Sweet Ava likes to drive her crazy by running down their hall and knocking on Addison’s door, slipping things under it, and overall driving her crazy, and Addy’s been looking for move privacy. Ava’s all the way downstairs, the twins, are all the way downstairs, and she’s got her massive bedroom and an en suite bathroom. We decided to gut it, and totally renovate it. The tile is almost done – just the grout and sealing it and all that, and then the new toilet, new vanity, new lighting, new fixtures, and new mirror can go in, and it’s going to be the most feminine, sweet bathroom. I cannot wait!

Anyway, it was a fun weekend – but I wanted to touch on something I’ve been getting so many questions about. Botox.

I’m a little vain, and I’m not ashamed of that. I feel that most of us are all a little vain, and I also feel that no one should be ashamed of that. It doesn’t hurt anyone to look nice and feel good about yourself, or to care about how you look. I care. The last thing I want is to look sloppy and messy and like I don’t care about my appearance.

I feel that dressing well and looking nice is a form of good manners, which is a beautiful quote by the spectacular Tom Ford. How so? Well, I believe that putting effort into looking nice shows tha you respect those around you. You would not show up to a meeting looking like you just rolled out of bed (I mean, I would assume you would not, but I’ve seen the way some people go out in public, so I could be so very wrong about that), would you? I wouldn’t. I would never want a potential client to walk away with the assumption that I don’t care enough about them to want to bother with my appearance.

My husband would dress me in jeans and a tee shirt, a ponytail, and no makeup every single day of the year if he could. But, he also loves it when I dress up. He likes me simple, but I would never not put any effort into what I wear and how I look for him. He might not mind, but I know that somewhere deep down in there is a man who loves to have an attractive, put-together wife who makes an effort. On the flip side, I think he’s handsome no matter what he wears or how he looks, but he would never let himself go, and I appreciate that about him.

It’s not what’s on the outside that counts. It’s a kind heart, humor, a good personality, and intelligence that matters, but it’s also helpful to find your partner physically attractive. I will not apologize for that. And that, my friends, brings me to the reason for this post.

I shared on Instastories a little over a week ago that I was on my way – late, as usual – to my Botox appointment. It was my second time getting Botox, but I wasn’t trying to hide it the first time I got it back in February. In fact, I was planning a blog post about it to share with those of you who might want to do it yourselves, but our son suffered a grand mal seizure three days after I had it done, and our lives changed that instant.

Better late that never, right?

After I shared my appointment on Insta, I had so many questions! I’m not surprised by how many people get it done (once you have it done, you can tell exactly who else has it done by looking at their faces), but I was surprised by how many people who want to do it but are afraid to do it. I thought I’d share my journey with you all so that you know what to expect.

first photo was taken from a screenshot of an instastory before I had botox the first time. Second photo was taken yesterday, 9 days after my second botox injection appointment (five months after my first botox appointment) after spending all day on the boat in the Gulf – eyebrows raised completely. 

Does it hurt?

Not at all. Of course, I also have a high pain tolerance. I think it pinches a bit, but it doesn’t hurt. There are two places on my face where it’s more uncomfortable than others. The far right and far left of my forehead. It seems like the further it gets from the fatty center of your head and closer to the thin sides, the pinch is more pronounced and uncomfortable.

What do you get done?

Okay, so, I only do my forehead and my glabella (the eleven lines on your upper nose/between your eyebrows). I don’t do my laugh lines around my eyes. Those, I love. I love, love, love those. They are, in my opinion, evidence of a happy life. They show that I laugh, have fun, and that I enjoy myself.

How long does it last?

Here’s where things are a little trickier to explain. Everyone is different. I just had Botox for the second time, and I only have one round to talk about in terms of how long it lasts. Additionally, I’m not the same as my girlfriends who do it, and we all have different answers. I’ll give you the medical answer I was given, however.

It depends. It lasts approximately 3 months the first few times you do it, but you should get longer lasting results after a year or more of consistent Botox. Your muscles naturally relax once you’ve been doing it a while, so your results are longer.

I, personally, found that mine lasted a good four months. I went on February 14th for my first round, and I didn’t start noticing my forehead moving again until mid-May, but my wrinkles didn’t start coming back until the end of June. When I went in this morning to have it done for the second time, the awesome woman who injects me was surprised just how little movement I had at the 4.5 month mark. She explained that most people don’t go this long the first time, but it does happen.

It has to do with your age, the appearance of your lines and wrinkles, the health of your skin, and the amount of sun damage you have, among other things. I have healthy skin, I’m almost 36, and I have no sun damage (pros of being a Norwegian who has to cover up). However, I am very expressive, and she was shocked that my massive lines and wrinkles are taking so long to come back.

How many units do you need?

Again, this is a personal situation. The first time I went, they used 30 units. I needed 20 in my elevens, and 10 in my forehead. This time, she only used 14 units. I had four in my glabella and another 10 in my forehead. That was kind of awesome.

I have one friend who is only two years older than me, and she needed 50 units the first time she went, and almost as many the next time and the time after. Another friend who is actually 15 years older than was told she only needed 28 units total, and that included doing her crow’s feet. So, it all depends on your face, your skin, and what you want done.

How much does it cost?

This was the number one question people had, and I’m okay with that. I go to Ideal Image, and I happened to plan my first visit when they were having a sale on units. They were $10 per unit if you bought 50 units, or they were $13 per unit if you bought them individually. I decided to buy the 50 units and bank what I didn’t use the first time.

I decided after that to plan my visits around their sales at their advice. So, I bought another 50 units for $500 at $10/unit. I can bank them forever, and the cost savings is worthwhile. The woman who handles the financial aspect of buying and banking Botox at Ideal Image told me sometimes women will come in with a friend or family member and split the cost of 50 units so they can get what they want without paying for or banking extra. So, there’s an option if $500 is not in the budget.

How long did it take for you to notice results?

The first time I had Botox, I noticed less movement in the first 24 hours. But the time I hit 48 hours, I could barely move my head at all. By 72 hours, I had no more evidence of any lines on my face. Of course, it all depends. My girlfriend was panicking the first time she did it because she didn’t notice any change after a solid week, but they do say it can take as many as 10 days to 2 weeks for results. She just took longer than I did, and that’s how she is versus how I am. This time around, it took the same amount of time.

Don’t panic if there is not a big change right away. Again, I’m shocked by how quickly I noticed results and how long they last. My girlfriend gets hers done every three months, and she has full movement in her face each time. It’s all about you and your skin.

Did you have any side effects?

I had no side effects at all either time. The first time, I followed the rules precisely – no drinking, working out, makeup, etc. This time, we had date night with our best friends six hours after my injections, so I did put makeup on at that point. I also had two glasses of wine at dinner. I was totally fine, and I did not swell or bruise at all.

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The first time, I did not drink alcohol the night before or for a week after (they really say 24 hours, to be honest). I didn’t work out or wear makeup for 48 hours, and I slept upright the first night. I was terrified that I would mess it up, and it would migrate down my face and I’d end up looking like a freak for months. I also had it done at 6 pm last time, and I had it done at 11:30 am this time. So, there’s that.

I did not notice any swelling, any bruising, and I did not develop any headaches. Quite the opposite, in fact. I actually stopped getting headaches. I typically get them 3-4 days a week, probably because I sit in front of my computer and write 20,000 words per day and I’m so expressive. My headaches ceased completely following my Botox the first time, and they came back with a vengeance when I began noticing movement in my forehead after about four months.

What’s the recovery period?

There is no recovery. They only ask that you avoid a few things.

  • Spicy food
  • Sugary food
  • Alcohol
  • Lying flat on your back for four hours
  • Wearing makeup
  • Exercise
  • Taking any blood thinners like ibuprofen

They want you to avoid all of this for 24 to 48 hours (except lying on your back, which they only want you to avoid doing for four hours following your injections). Exercise and lying down, touching your face, and applying pressure to your face can cause the Botox to move into other areas of your face. So, don’t do that.

Am I happy with the results?

Very! I love it. I didn’t have much in the way of expectation the first time I went in, but I love how it looks and feels. I don’t feel that I look unnatural, but that’s probably because I don’t do my crow’s feet. Additionally, I love how I feel. I have poor eyesight, and I’ve been in glasses since I was like 10, and I’ve always had headaches from straining my eyes so much. They’re so sensitive to light, and I’m so happy that my Botox has alleviated my headaches, and I literally cannot strain my face. It’s great. I love that feeling!

Do I recommend it?

Yes, I do. But I also had such good results. It took faster than I thought it would and it lasted longer than I thought it would. I feel like both are a win, and I’m not mad about it. I would recommend it every single day, even if you’re still young.

I’ll be 36 in September, and I swore I’d never do anything cosmetic to my body until I was at least 40. I convinced myself I wanted to get through my 30s fabulously, but I love my Botox. Now, I won’t do any plastic surgery of any type – ever – because I’d like to age gracefully and naturally. Well, as naturally as Botox allows.

Struggling with Mom Guilt During the Summer

Happy Friday, loves!

Summer is officially here (last week, I think?), but it doesn’t feel any different to those of us in the Sunshine State. It’s hot. It’s humid. The heat is downright oppressive. It’s my least favorite time of the year (sweating isn’t my thing unless I’m working out) and my mom guilt is strong during the summer months.

I know I’m not the only one. I’ve been running my business from home for almost 11 years now. Back then, it just wasn’t that common. When I told people I owned my own business, they wanted to know where they could find my office. When I told people I work from home or wherever I happen to be in the moment (Starbucks? A hotel somewhere?), no one really knew what to say.

Most people always assume I do some sort of network marketing or direct sales job because those are big, and they were the only real ‘at-home’ careers for many people back in the day…I’m talking 2008-ish.

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I don’t network market (not that there’s anything wrong with it; I just don’t). I founded a content creation company, and I write and edit web content for my clients. I’m a writer, but more than a writer. I blog, I create the content on the websites you visit every day. Sometimes, even I’m surprised to log on to a website to read some information about a company or a situation, and I realize that I wrote the piece.

I’ve written and published more than 50,000 articles in the long history of my writing career. I’ve added editing to my platform, as well. The entire reason I began this business was 1 – to do something I love, and 2 – to make sure that while doing what I love, I get to create my own schedule and I get to be fully present and with my kids.

But…no situation is perfect. And that’s where the mom guilt comes into play. With that said, I’m delving a little deeper into something I think a lot of moms and dads deal with on a regular basis that they might not know how to describe.

What is mom guilt?

Or dad guilt. Or whatever guilt. I’m sure there are a half-dozen ways to describe it, but I’ll tell you what it feels like in my life. It’s the feeling when you have kids you want to spend quality time with, but you have a business you love almost as much as your kids, and you want to focus on that, too.

I’m a workaholic. I’d spend all day, every day at my desk in my home office if I could. I’d write all day long. I’d edit all day long. I’d take on dozens of additional clients and just work all the time. I love what I do. But, I love my kids more; and they need me.

The school year is easy for me. They’re in school, so I just have to take a quick break to drive them there and pick them up, occasionally volunteer at some event, and my husband and I share the duties taking them to and from their extracurricular activities. Weekends are date nights and family time and travel time, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I have a schedule. I wake up at 5, work until I take them to school at 9, work out, home, work until it’s time to pick them up. I don’t like to work after pick-up. That’s when I like to help them unpack their lunchboxes, their backpacks, and help with homework. That’s when we spend some quality time together talking about our days and doing what we need to do.

I have a schedule.

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Summer kills my schedule.

Legitimately kills it dead and then backs right over it a few more times. There is no real schedule this time of year, and that is something I struggle with. I’m a planner. I’m a routine-oriented person. I like things done the same every single day with very little deviation. That deviation must be my idea, and it must be something I have thought-out and planned like it’s my job.

You might not consider me the most spontaneous person.

Summer is hard. The first week was a trip to D.C. this year with Addison’s safety patrol group. I worked my ass off for weeks before we left to pre-write and schedule more than 50 articles for that week (on top of the articles due the weeks leading up to the trip) so that I could take 6 days off of my business.

The second week was cheer camp week, which meant leaving the house at 7:20 am to drop the girls off and then again at 11:30 to pick the kids up. No flow there. Then it was a normal week, and we tried to get on a schedule.  The problem is that I want the kids to have fun, but I want and need to work.

Finding balance

It’s so easy sometimes, and it’s so hard other times. Summer is hard; for several reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that I want to be at my desk. I don’t like to leave things undone, but the kids are here and I want to spend time with them. I’m trying to relax about leaving my desk, but it’s difficult. I will stop to play a game of cards, take a golf cart ride, run out for ice cream, whatever.

But, taking the kids to see a movie or go somewhere else requires pre-planning for me. If it takes longer than an hour, it’s not something I’ll do last-minute. I need something like 48 hours of notice. That way, I can work ahead a little bit so I wake up the morning of the activity without feeling as if I’m going to be behind, working all night, or I can’t really enjoy myself. I’m Type-A all day long, y’all. I know I can come home and do the work later, but I don’t like to. I like to get it done in the morning and have my afternoons and evenings free and clear.

I am also a firm believer in letting my kids have downtime. They don’t get enough of it with our schedules, but they’re serious homebodies (just like Craig and I, even though I’m sure you find that hard to believe as often as we are out, busy, and traveling). They like to be home more than anything else, and they all get cranky when they don’t get some downtime. I also don’t believe in entertaining them nonstop.

I’m just not that mom, y’all. Kudos to those who are, but I’m not; and I really think that my kids are better for it. They have SUCH big imaginations. They play so well together, and we rarely hear them complain of boredom. They’re more likely to complain when we tell them we are going somewhere fun than they are to complain when we have nothing scheduled.

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For example, yesterday was a down day. We didn’t have anything scheduled until evening when Charlotte had her tumble class. The kids slept in, they got up, and they all went upstairs to play with Charlotte’s kitchen and set up and entire pizza restaurant. They spent 3 hours doing that until I took the twins with me to the YMCA to play in the Kid Zone while I worked out. The big girls didn’t want to go. They wanted to read their new books.

When I got home, they sat down together and played Candy Land. Then they went upstairs and built a killer fort. After that, they went outside for a bit when the sun wasn’t so brutal. They never once complained of being bored. They use their imaginations. They read. They played together. They have such a diverse way of living their lives, and they are happy doing almost anything – and nothing.

I struggle with too much

What does that mean? Well, I struggle when we have too many weekday plans. I’m fine being busy all weekend as long as we are relaxing on Sundays, but I struggle with too many things during the week. For one, I’m working and so is my husband. The fact that neither of us gets up in the morning and leaves the house to go to an office doesn’t make our jobs any less of a job. Working from home or for yourself still doesn’t make you free all the time. Sure, I create my own schedule, but I like my schedule, and I don’t want to interrupt it. It’s the way it is because that’s what works best for us, and that’s what I like.

This week was a busy one, and we have plans next week during the week. I’m struggling with that. Not because I don’t want to have fun with the kids, but because even they’re starting to complain about it. Monday we went bowling and then to Craig’s softball game. Tuesday the twins went to grandma’s and the big girls and I had a shopping, lunch, doctor day. Wednesday and Thursday were down days, but busy evenings, and Friday is a movie day. Tuesday is another day we will be out all day long having fun with our friends, and Wednesday night is one of our favorite events of the year with our best friends.

And I feel overwhelmed thinking of all the time I’ve missed and will miss in my office. Addison, our oldest, didn’t want to go with me to the Y today or yesterday because she wanted to “stay home and rest” because she hasn’t had time this week.

I’ve spent so much time away from my desk during the week this week, and that means I’ve been up earlier in the mornings working, and later at night work. And that makes me tired, because I’m not getting enough sleep trying to do it all.

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My mom guilt is strong

I struggle with the guilt I feel when I’m in my office, but I try to remind myself that the kids don’t mind. They like that time to spend on their own. They don’t complain. They don’t feel as if their lives are boring because we aren’t at a movie or the park or the beach or whatever 7 days a week. They like being home as much as I do, but the mom guilt is strong.

But, if I’m being honest, my mom guilt isn’t about our kids and their activities and lives. They lead good lives. No, they lead amazing lives. There’s nothing they’re missing out on. They have more airline miles each than most adults do. They get to travel often. They get to do things, go places, and have experiences that most people never get in their lives. They have built-in best friends. They have a group of friends they’ve known since birth, and they are loved, fortunate, and happy kids.

My guilt is that I’d rather be in my office than at the movies. That sounds terrible, but it’s true. I’d rather be at my desk, killing it, than I would doing things during the week. Honestly, I just don’t find as much enjoyment in taking the kids to do things when my husband isn’t with me. Our kids just aren’t accustomed to that. When we go to movies, to parties, to events, hotels, travel, etc., Craig is with us. But, summertime sometimes means going with other people. We love our other people, so much, but we all end up at home at the end of the day wishing that he was with us, because it’s just a little bit less fun without him. We hate leaving him out and making memories without him.

Work/life balance

Ninety percent of the time, I feel like I’m killing it with the work-life balance situation. Summer is the 10 percent I feel like I’m failing every single day. I’m not no good at being off our regularly scheduled programing. I don’t enjoy the constant activities. The kids are cranky when we have too much going on. I don’t like rearranging my own work schedule for other things.

Basically, what it comes down to is that I’m a spoiled rotten asshole. I like my schedule and routine, and I don’t like it being interrupted. But, I think I’m getting better at it. I’m saying yes to more things (Bowling and a movie date with friends in ONE week?!) and I’m having fun with my friends and my kids in the process. I’m tired, and I don’t love that, but I’m learning to be a little more spontaneous.

But…I will say that I’m still good about saying no when I’m already a little overscheduled and overwhelmed by it – though I don’t feel good turning people I love down. Balance is important to me, but I struggle with that – hard – this time of year.

A note to everyone

If you ask me to do something, and I cannot do it or say no, thank you, please don’t take offense. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me. I run a business, and the fact that it’s from home doesn’t mean it’s any less a business than one that has office hours.

Sometimes, I just don’t have the time. For example, I had to say no to plans on Monday with someone I love dearly because we already have plans Tuesday (with her and her kids, so it wasn’t a heartbreaking no) and it’s a holiday week, and I know I need Monday to stay on track with my deadlines and my clients.

I also know that most of our evenings are already spoken for, and I draw a HARD line at putting my own health and mental health and sleep at risk by over-committing. If I say no to something, it’s not because I don’t want to join you (well, I mean, it might be, but it’s usually not). It’s because I really have no time. If I say yes to something I don’t have time for, it means I have to say no to something else. I can’t say no to work obligations, and I can’t say no to spending time with my family.

If you need me, I need at least 48 hours of notice, but most of the time – I need a solid week or two of notice. Our weeks get crazy busy, and I just don’t have much free time. Someone wise once said something beautiful.

I can do anything, but I cannot do everything.

Friday Favorites: Disconnecting is Amazing (and so is this fab Bandolier phone case)

Happy Friday, loves!

What a great week this has been…for so many reasons. Not only was it such a sweet and relaxed week in terms of finally having nowhere to be and nothing to do after months of sports, activities, end-of-school year awards, programs, parties, cheer camp, Safety Patrol DC trip, and our normal travel schedule, we also just had fun.

I was able to sleep in and be a little bit leisurely over my morning coffee. I got to linger, and then go into my office in my robe and work for a few hours. The kids are so easy in the mornings. They aren’t tired of one another yet, so it’s the best time for me to be in my office meeting deadlines. It was also a rainy week, which I love.

It was a low-key week, and I love that. Our regularly scheduled Wednesday night dinner with our best friends extended hours longer than usual (sweet, sweet summertime…no reason to rush home and get anyone to bed at a decent time when they were having so much fun). It was #backtobasics all the way, and I think all our cheeks hurt this morning from laughing so much….mostly at our husbands!

As fun as this week has been (ask me again in an hour or so how I feel about that when I’m awake and getting ready to drive an hour to work out at a hardcore gym with my brother from another mother at 5 am), I’m crediting most of that to one simple thing – being offline, disconnected, and not attached to my phone.

I always have my phone on me, even if we are out on date night. I hate that feeling, but I cannot relax if I feel like I might miss a call from whoever has our kids. Whether it’s date night and they are safe and sound in their own bedrooms in our home while our parents ae here watching them or they are at school, I can’t risk missing a call if something were to happen.

But, this week the kids are home. It’s our first official summer week, and I’ve been able to leave my phone in the master bedroom and leave it. The kids are here with us, and I don’t feel that I need my phone. I set my iPad and laptop to update my emails once an hour, and I don’t care if I miss and calls or texts otherwise. I get to them when I have a chance. Believe it or not, I’ve learned a lot this week just by leaving my phone in our bedroom when I’m working or spending time with my husband and the kids.

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My phone gives me anxiety

Not all the time, but I noticed that I was so much more relaxed this week. My phone, it turns out, stresses me out a bit. I am not the kind of person who can get a text or email that requires a response and not respond immediately. It’s my ‘leave nothing to later’ mentality. So, I get anxiety when I see texts come in when I’m in the middle of a client call or an article or editing, and I don’t have time to respond. I can’t stop thinking about it, and then I do.

If the text turns into a long situation, or it’s a group text, I lose all track of my situation, I’m distracted, and I accomplish so much less. I’m not efficient, but I feel anxious if I don’t respond right away. Guilty, like I’m sending the message that someone else and their needs are not important to me.

They are important to me, but they’re not the most important to me. My business and my clients and my kids and my husband are the most important to me, and I have got to get accustomed to leaving this feeling of guilt behind. I can’t sacrifice my work and my integrity.

Leaving my phone in our bedroom takes away that anxiety. Out of sight, out of mind. I don’t know if someone is texting or calling or whatever, and I don’t feel an ounce of guilt about that. I mean, I get that my thought process is beyond insane, I do. I don’t pretend to try and understand myself. I really don’t.

Disconnecting is beautiful

I am so present! And efficient! And on top of things! It’s beautiful. I’m able to work without interruption, and my workday is shorter than ever because of it. I’m engaged when I’m with the kids, and I’m focused solely on my husband when we’re together. It’s a feeling that’s second to nothing else.

Distractions are my problem

I don’t handle distraction well. I’m a writer. It’s what I do. I create content for my clients, and I need to concentrate to make that happen. I write quickly and well after so many years of providing this service, but my phone is a major distraction, and it slows me down. I can bang out 3,000 words in under 20 minutes without my phone here (with fewer than 5 typos each time…years and years of practice on that one), and I’m more efficient than ever.

Try it.

If you haven’t tried disconnecting like this, you should. Life is a lot easier, more efficient, and well-lived when the phone is not in hand all the time. Of course, know that I will never judge you – ever – if I see you at dinner with your spouse, phone on the table next to you, because I feel you. I see you. I know you. I relate. You can’t relax with kids at home if you’re worried something will happen and you’ll miss the call or the text.

I get it.

But, if you have the chance to disconnect entirely, you should try it. It’s a beautiful feeling, and it makes life so sweet.

Oh, and on that note, I also got a fabulous new phone case this week. I’ve been looking for it for months. My girlfriend has one, and she found it at Nordstrom, but they never had one in my size. I should probably be embarrassed how long it took me to realize I could just go to the Bandolier website to find it rather than stalking my Nordstrom app waiting for one to pop up that fits the XS Max. It just arrived, and I’m in love! The best part is that it’s only $100! Check it out here.

3 Summer Masks Your Skin Needs, Stat

Summer is here, and we are all spending more time than ever outdoors. From beach days to pool parties to boat days, the sunshine is making us all feel good. But, it’s also taking a toll on our skin. With the changing of the seasons comes a change in our skincare routine. Right now, you’re sweating more than ever. Your makeup is clogging your pores more than ever. You’re getting sun, your skin is being dried out by the sun, and everything is changing.

Summer is a time for change, and it’s not just about later nights, later mornings, and more carefree fun. It’s also about changing your skincare routine, and I highly recommend you incorporate one – or more – of these amazing masks into your skincare routine. I have, and love, all three, and I typically alternate what I’m using throughout the week. I use them once or twice a week this time of year, and I alternate what I’m using based on what I feel my skin needs.

Your skin will thank you for these.

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Laneige Water Sleeping Mask – $25

I’m starting with my favorite. I actually got this mask as a sample in one of my beauty boxes from Sephora, and I fell in love. It’s so refreshing and hydrating for my skin that I ended up ordering the full-size product almost immediately. I use this mask one to two times a week after my shower. My face is clean, I put this one, go to bed, and wake up with brighter, more refreshed skin.

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Glow Recipe Watermelon Glow Sleeping Mask – $45

Can you tell I have a thing for sleeping masks? It’s got hyaluronic acid, which is exactly what my skin needs in my mid-30s. It’s also got a gentle exfoliator in it that helps my keep my skin healthy, and it makes my pores shrink. I have larger pores, so this is a great option during the summer. I use this mask once a week – I don’t want to overwhelm my pores, nor do I want to exfoliate my skin too much. No thanks to that kind of redness.

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GlamGlow FlashMud Brightening Treatment – $59

If there is one mistake women make during the summer, it’s assuming the sun automatically brightens their skin and makes it glow. It’s true that it does make your skin look glowing and gorgeous, but it’s not enough. You need to try for this mask once a week to help your skin look as radiant as possible. Your skin is dealing with a lot of stuff this time of year, and it needs a little help to keep it bright and beautiful. You won’t regret this one, even if you use it once every two weeks.

What’s your go-to beauty mask this time of year?

Maintaining Patience During Summer Vacation

Patience and summer might not mix if you’re a parent.

But, that’s part of the job.

Our kids are home for the summer, and by that I mean they are totally and completely home. We are not big on summer camps around here. I’m not knocking those who are big into them, but we simply are not. For one, there’s not many around here that interest our kids (or exist, if we are being honest). Additionally, one of the biggest caveats of beginning my business 11 years ago when our sweet girl was born was that I wanted to be a present mom.

I work from home, and so does my husband. That can make summer difficult. Being that my husband does not work for himself, he does need the house to be relatively quiet, which is not always easy with four kids. I don’t need the quiet so much as I just need uninterrupted time to work.

In the past, I woke up early and worked before the kids got up so that I could finish most of my work in the mornings. I write a lot of words each weekday for my clients, but I write quickly and have ample experience writing, editing, and submitting my work in an efficient manner. I need around 3 hours per day to get my work done.

These days, sleeping later is more important to me than getting up earlier. I like being up before the kids, but I’m tired. The last few months of the school year do me in, and I’m exhausted. Our lives are non-stop go, go, go the first 5 months of the year, and I just want to sleep in.

So, I work when they’re awake, and it’s often in small spurts throughout the day. I’m growing accustomed to it, and it works.

But, patience is not always easy during the summer. We are Floridians. It rains a lot, and we have kids who want to be outside more than anything in the world. Inside is like the devil in their eyes. I’m also not the kind of mom who has any desire to entertain my kids 24/7. I am not about to find a fun activity to take them to 7 days a week.

Thankfully, my kids don’t need constant entertainment or stimulation to have fun. I think that’s because we let them have times of boredom so that they’re able to use their imaginations and entertain themselves, and I’m so appreciative we’ve done that for them. We know kids who will come up to us and tell us they are bored when there’s a swimming pool, bikes, balls, toys, games, and a million other things to do, and we refuse to let our kids become the kind of kids who need constant stimulation.

We lead exceptionally active lives on the weekend, and our weeks are a lot more laidback. We stay home most days. We don’t make plans. I’m not into taking four kids out and about on my own throughout the week if I don’t have to. The kids aren’t as happy when it’s just me as it is when it’s both of us, anyway. They’re also homebodies like we are. They like to be home. Perhaps our summers are our time to actually stay home more often than not and relax and enjoy. I don’t know.

My mind is all over the place right now, sorry. My point is that it’s sometimes hard to maintain patience in the summer with kids, things to do, and a life to live. I am, however, always happy to share some of my own personal tips for getting through the 11 weeks of summer relatively unscathed and better for it.

Make Plans

I just said we don’t make many weekday plans during the summer, and I do stand by that. We may go see a movie, go swimming, go bowling, or something like that once or twice a week, but I’m not an entertainer. They’re going to read, play games, play outside and have fun at home the rest of the week. But, we do make a lot of summer plans that they have to look forward to. This helps keep them patient, and it gives us all something to look forward to.

For example, we are officially two weeks into summer, and we’ve already spent a week in D.C., this week is cheer camp, we have parties, events, and several trips to look forward to. There is always something to look forward to, and we love that. It helps us all stay patient with one another.

Keep it Simple

Maybe our kids are a bit spoiled. Okay, okay; there’s no maybe about it. They are spoiled rotten. They have more than they could ever want, they don’t go without, and they’ve traveled more of the world in their young lives than most adults will in their entire lives. Don’t feel sorry for the Raiford kids.

However, do keep in mind that our kids love simple things, and that helps us stay patient with one another all summer. Sometimes, they just want the little things that they don’t get to experience so often. What does that mean? Well, our kids might moan and roll their eyes when we go to birthday parties with bounce houses because they’re tired of the same bounce houses all the time. They might complain when we go to Disney because they dislike standing in lines and being hot and they go all the time. They might be frustrated that we’re going to the Omni instead of the Gaylord because they like the pool at the Gaylord better.

But, there is one thing our kids never complain about. The simple things. Ask them if they want to go into the kitchen and bake cookies, and they’re the most excited kids in the world. Sit down and play a game of cards with them, and they’re in heaven. Go outside and play ball in the yard, and they’re thrilled. Get on the trampoline with them, and their dreams come true. Keep it simple this summer. Kids like simple stuff. Trust me.

Take A Break

When you’re with the kids all summer, you all need a break – from one another. Call grandma, and ask her to keep them for the night. They want a break from you as much as you want one from them. Plan date nights. Plan a weekend away in which the kids are not invited. Do something without them. Plan a spa day. Plan a night out with friends. Go to the beach without the kids. Do whatever you can to take a break when you feel the overwhelming need to get away. They need it, too.

Create a Tradition

Kids love tradition, trust me. We have a few of them with the kids, and they always look forward to it. They know, for example, that every Wednesday night is dinner with our best friends. It has been since before the kids were even born, and they never get tired of it. No matter how many times we go to their house or they come to our house, it’s one of the kids’ favorite traditions.

On Sunday nights after bath time, we sit down and we watch America’s Funniest Videos with the kids. They LOVE that tradition. On Friday mornings, I have a standing donut date with the kids. They love it. These are things that make our kids happy, and it helps with patience. When you have traditions and fun planned for the summer, you and your kids appreciate those days when you’re all at home without a plan. Those days are the downtime days, and they know there are busier days ahead.

What do you do during the summer with your little ones to stay busy while also relaxing and maintaining your patience?

Recovering After Vacation

No makeup. No real clothes. No exiting the house.

That’s what our weekend looked like. And, it was the most beautiful weekend.

I know I say that every weekend. No matter what we are doing, it’s a beautiful weekend. What can I say other than that we live our best life every weekend, and that’s because we do what makes our hearts happy. This weekend, it was cancelling all the plans. It was a rainy, nasty weekend. Everything we had planned suddenly seemed like a chore, and that’s no fun.

After six days in Washington D.C. – on a bus – with 33 kids and 20 adults, it was necessary. We had a wonderful week with our oldest daughter, but being one of the two sponsors for the trip is WORK. Let me say that again – it’s WORK. It’s hard. It was a year of constant movement, planning, preparation, and it wasn’t less work when we got there. Room assignments, key-holding, bedtime rulers, counting kids, dealing with a small handful of ungrateful, unhappy, unkind chaperones (thank you, Lord, for the amazing group we did have, but there were three or four who were like whoa).

It was 5 am wake-up calls, 1 am bedtimes, constant phone calls in the middle of the night waking me and my husband up in bed from parents at home, kids who didn’t feel well down the hall, kids who got hurt and needed medical attention. My husband and I worked hard all week handling that, and we walked 27 miles throughout the week, visited countless monuments, museums, and food courts. I starved all week because I’m a food snob – and fast food and buffets just don’t cut it for me. I also slept like death each night because we stayed in a motel.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m a bona fide travel snob. We love to travel, and we do it frequently, but we prefer 4 and 5 star resorts and hotels. We like room service. We don’t like serve yourself buffets. We don’t like parking our own car or carrying our own luggage. This trip was the equivalent of camping. But not like nice camping in a luxe camper. Like camping in the dirt with the bugs and the insects and the critters and the murders camping. Literally, our bus driver told us to be careful in the parking lot because of the vagrants.

I mean…I’m just saying.

But, this weekend, we were tired. Cancelled all plans except taking the kids to see Aladdin on Friday, and then it was home, home, and more home Saturday and Sunday. And it was glorious. Recovering from vacation – or a trip in this case – is never easy. But, I do have some tips that make it a bit easier.

Do Nothing

Busy is something we are, but it’s not something we are proud of. We are happy to have fulfilled lives with so many friends, so many activities, and so much fun, but we don’t love to be busy. We love to have downtime, but it’s not always easy with four kids and our lives. This weekend, we had plans. But, we decided to cancel them.

When we returned home at 8 pm on Thursday night from six days in Washington D.C. for Addison’s Safety Patrol Trip, we were officially 11 out of 15 nights traveling and away from our own beds, our own home, and our own favorite place. Not that we regret any of it, nor would we trade it. But, we were tired. Plans to go away for the weekend – again – did seem like good ones when we made them, but they seemed like nothing more than a burden by the time we got home.

So, we took the kids to see Aladdin, we came home, and we did not leave the house again for two solid days. It was the best choice. It’s always my recommendation that you allow yourself one night at home at the end of your vacation or trip where you can go to bed, sleep in, and have a day at home before you go back to real life. It’s never let us down.

Prepare For Relaxation

Anyone who knows me knows I am a total and complete neat freak, and I’m a bit obsessive compulsive when it comes to cleanliness and order. There’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s so helpful when we come home from traveling. Coming home to a spotless home without laundry waiting is a gem (not that we don’t bring laundry home with us, of course). Knowing the bathrooms, the floors, the counters, all bedrooms, and everything is clean and spotless when we walk in the door makes me feel at peace.

Nothing is worse than coming home to a mess. Trust me – I feel like that every single time we leave the kids home and return to them. Not that our moms don’t clean, but they definitely don’t clean anywhere close to my standards. I love coming home and knowing the only thing I need to do is unpack. It helps prepare for relaxation when you come home.

Unpack Right Away

You guys…I do not understand people who come home from a trip, ignore their luggage and laundry, and do nothing productive. I. Do. Not. Get. It.

I can’t. How can you just ignore a mess and leave things undone when you get home? Where is your sense of peace? I can come home from a trip with my family of six, 5 pieces of luggage, and have everyone unpacked, clean laundry put away, dirty laundry washing, and everything put in its rightful place in under 30 minutes. It’s so easy, and it takes all the stress away.

If you want to relax and recover from a trip or vacation, you have to unpack and situate yourself right away. You have to. It’s not an option. I promise you will thank yourself for that one later.

Order Your Groceries

One more thing I’m not a huge fan of – ordering my groceries. I know it’s meant to be easier and to make your life better, but I am too much of a control freak. We buy so much fresh fruit and fresh vegetables, and I swear to you no one can pick out the best stuff. I detest groceries delivered to me that aren’t the ones I would have chosen. It seems people who are shopping for others often don’t put forth the same thoughtfulness and carefulness when choosing fruit and veggies, and we often end up with things that are already going bad, soft, rotten, or gross in general.

But, I always order groceries for delivery when we travel. I know it won’t get us through more than a day or two, but nothing is nicer than coming home and knowing I don’t need to add a trip to the store to my list of things to do upon arrival.

Make A Plan

It sounds a bit like an oxymoron, right? You’re home to relax and enjoy yourself, yet here you are making a plan. Of course, I don’t mean you have to make a plan to go anywhere or do anything. Just make a plan to make no plans. Our favorite thing to do when we are finished unpacking is to take showers and baths no matter how early it is, and then we climb onto the couch with blankets and pajamas and popcorn, and we watch movies as a family. Our kids don’t love to watch television as a whole, but they will sit down and enjoy with us when we have a day like this. And, I promise, it’s totally worth every moment.

How do you typically recover after vacation?

9 Ways to Combat Exhaustion When Your Calendar is Full

Happy Tuesday, loves!

I’m exhausted, and I’m guessing all my fellow moms are, too. It’s May. If you have school-age children, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Exhaustion is a way of life around here during the month of May, and it’s because there are so many end-of-school year events, parties, things, stuff, places, adventures, etc.

I’m not mathematically inclined, but there are two of us and four of them, and that’s not enough of us to go around. We’ve been burning the candle at both ends, and I think it shows. Cheer tryouts for two. VPK graduation, teacher appreciation luncheons to cater (I had to miss one school TA lunch this year because of field day) field day, 5th grade graduation, safety patrol field trip, 5th grade field trip, AVID interviews, tumble classes, our wedding anniversary, hair appointments, yoga classes, Mother’s Day, mom’s day lunch with the twins’ class, travel, birthdays, birthday parties, retirement parties, boat days, pool parties; you name it, we have it on the schedule this month.

And, let’s be honest, that’s all going on without considering my work schedule. I have clients who contract me to write so many words a day for them, and I have to meet those word counts every day. I write a lot of words for numerous clients on a daily basis, and I suffer from a little bit of anxiety this time of year trying to get it all done.

Fortunately, I’ve been a business owner and a mom a long time, and I’ve learned a few things about staying sane, easing the exhaustion, and getting it all done. I’m still tired, but I’m less frustrated, and my attitude isn’t as bad as it could be.

Go to Bed Early

It sounds so simple, right? But most people just don’t do it. I make it a point to go to bed no later than 9 pm each night. Now, most of the time that means falling asleep on my husband on the couch while we watch a movie, but that’s all right. He wakes me up, and we go to bed by 10:30 or so. It helps since I get up early to work before the kids are up and before the morning begins. If I go to bed any later, I feel it the following day.

Say No

Not everything you do requires a yes. If it doesn’t fit into your schedule or bring you joy, just say no. There are plenty of things that are going on this month that I could go to, but I simply say no because they don’t interest me, fit the schedule, or rank high enough on my priority list.

Prioritize

What’s most important to you? I have to make this choice a lot this time of year, but I promise it’s a lot easier than you imagine. I recently had a last-minute situation come up with one of our kids, and I had to cancel something I had two choices. Choose one day and cancel an unnecessary obligation on the calendar, or choose the other day and cancel something that was fun for the whole family. Obviously, I kept the fun and cancelled the unnecessary obligation. Our family needs the fun stuff more this time of year than ever considering all the scheduled things we have to do. That kind of prioritizing makes life more enjoyable.

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Make Time for Fun

This goes back to prioritizing, but making time for fun is something we have to do. This month is busy, but it’s been full of fun. From taking a weekend away with just my husband to celebrate our anniversary to our regularly scheduled Wednesday night dinners with our best friends to last-minute date nights to weekend pool parties to boat days on the Gulf, we make sure there is always time for fun.

This past weekend, I was the walking dead. Addison had her AVID interview Tuesday afternoon, we had our Wednesday night dinner tradition and our niece for a sleepover on Wednesday, we had Addison’s Universal Studios field trip on Thursday, I had the twins’ field day on Friday, cheer tryouts for Addy and Ava on Friday night, a birthday party for one of Addison’s friends (That’s also a mom gathering for our friends) on Saturday morning followed by lunch with our girlfriends, and cheer tryouts Saturday night.

I was tired. I wanted to go home. I hadn’t really been home in days. I was done. I wanted to spend time with my husband and my kids. I wanted to go to bed early. I wanted to rest. But then our best friends called and asked if we wanted to spend Sunday on the boat, and that’s always fun. So, we said yes even though we knew we’d be tired. And guess what? It was exactly what we needed. A day of fun in the sun, a lot of laughs, kids having the best time, and nothing but relaxation on the mind was just what we needed to break up a week full of activities before another week full of activities. Saying yes to fun is always a good idea.

Fill Your Body with Good Food

It’s so easy to want to eat poorly in May. Fast food is easier. Ordering out is easier. But, your body doesn’t want that, and you don’t need that. If I ate nothing but junk this month, I’d be sluggish, tired, and beyond exhausted. Eating well always fuels my body, and it will yours, too.

Exercise

I might not be able to find time to do everything this month, but I will always find time to work out. I need it. For my attitude, for my body, for my energy; I need to workout daily. It’s what gives me the energy I need to get things done.

Find A Routine

I’m very structured. I have to be to run the kind of business I run with the kind of tight deadlines and ever-changing daily routines. I like schedules, routines, and knowing what to expect. However, I find that I have to adjust my routine a bit this month. I say not to additional projects clients want done. I say not yet to new clients, and I prioritize what needs to be done for my regular clients. I work early in the morning, and I make sure I complete a certain number of words prior to taking the kids to school. I have a routine this time of year that I adapt to, and it works.

Silence Your Alerts

The single most pivotal way to get through this time of year without being more exhausted is to silence your alerts. Turn off the volume of your phone. Put do not disturb on after a certain time of day. Put it on during the day so you don’t get texts, calls, or social media alerts.

I do this all the time. I leave it so that only certain numbers can get through to me – though sometimes I don’t even do that knowing that they can call my husband if they really need me. If my phone is constantly going off, I can’t concentrate or get anything done. I put it in the master bedroom while I’m in my office, and I ignore it. It’s the single best way to accomplish things during the day. It’s quiet. There are no distractions. My concentration is not broken. It’s spectacular.

Get Out

A walk with a friend. A lunch date with my girlfriends. A run with my husband. Sometimes, you just have to walk away, find something fun to do, and get out of the house. It’s the best way to rejuvenate. And it helps. We also like to have fun with the kids. A golf cart ride. A long walk. Going to dinner. Playing outside. Whatever they want to do that gets us out of the house, we do it.

There’s no real way to fight the exhaustion you feel when you’re on the go so much this time of year, but you can make it easier on yourself. Eat a healthy diet, move your body, and focus on the good in your life and prioritize those things. It helps, it matters, and it’s what makes a difference in the way you live.

Are you so busy this time of year? What do you have going on, and how do you combat your exhaustion?

Anything Can Happen, and Being Prepared is a Good Thing

Happy Thursday, loves!

 

A digital detox is sometimes what the doctor ordered, and the Raiford family has spent ample time with our fair share of doctors in the past two or three months! Since our son’s unprovoked grand mal seizure on Valentine’s weekend, it’s been necessary. We are already so busy with our kids and their schedules, our travel schedules, date nights, volunteer schedules, my business, our home, our marriage, and so much more that I needed the detox. I took a break from the blog. I turned down all the campaigns that came my way during this time, and we just focused on living our best life, which is just so easy to do when you appreciate how much good fortune and how much abundance our lives are filled with.

 

When I was offered a chance to work with the legal professionals at Trust & Will to create our trust, will, and appoint guardians, I couldn’t pass it up. Life is short, and you never know what can happen. We had no idea when we woke up the morning of our son’s seizure that a day of pool parties and fun with our favorites would turn into a three-day hospital stay and newfound fear that will last a lifetime. We had no idea our lives would change forever that day, and that’s the point of a trust, will, and guardianship. Life happens, and it’s rarely going to happen as planned.

 

We certainly don’t like to think of our mortality, but it’s inevitable. We need to make sure our sweet babies are cared for. We need to know that they will be taken care of, that our homes are taken care of, my business is managed, and that our bank accounts and life insurance policies and investments are cared for. We need to know these things, and our kids need us to be prepared in case of the worst.

 

Thanks to the amazing legal pros at Trust & Will, we have our newly updated will, our estate, and plan signed, sealed, and delivered right to our door. It took no time at all to complete the process. Our questions were quickly answered by legal professionals with valuable experience, and it was the most enjoyable experience (well, as enjoyable as thinking of your own mortality can be, anyway). And because I want you all to take the time to do some adulting (I know, I know…who wants to adult when the weekend is so close?), Trust & Will is offering all of my followers and readers a chance to save a little money (you can leave it to someone you love in your will) creating your own will. Just visit the site, create an account, and use promo code “ADULTING2019” at checkout for $10 off the cost of your will.

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{ Dress by Lilly Pulitzer } {Necklace and Bracelet by Tiffany & Co.} {Bracelet by David Yurman }

The past few months of detoxing from certain aspects of life have been so invigorating. It’s been so much fun to focus on the kids, on our health, on our travel schedules, and we’ve learned so much in this season of fear and uncertainty. It makes me feel so grateful to know that seasons like this are short-lived, and that they are few and far between. I’m also so grateful for the lessons I learn in trials, how much my faith grows, how much my marriage grows, and how much our kids grow. It’s not always pleasant, but looking back it’s obvious that we sometimes need to slow down, shut down, and learn a few life lessons. And we did.

Our Kids Really Are Best Friends

Carter’s seizure was hard on all of us. Combined with every little thing going wrong at home in the midst of all his appointments and our hectic travel schedule this year, we were prepared to have meltdowns. We were prepared to see the kids unravel. But what happened was the exact opposite. We saw them become closer than ever. They give more hugs. They extend more “I love you’s” to one another. They spend more time together. They watch out for one another. At no point since his seizure has Carter been alone anywhere. They want to be with him. They want to watch out for him, and they realized just how important they are to one another. They bicker less. They get along more. It’s been amazing for us to see them grow so much closer.

 

Everyone has an opinion, and it’s best to nod, smile, and move on

Trust me. Every single person has an opinion. Some of them are valid and welcome. Some are hurtful and unkind. Some are snarky and clearly come from a place of discontent and unhappiness. Don’t worry about it. Say thanks, smile, move on. It’s simple. Anyone who wants to tell you that what terrifies you and changes your life is not that big of a deal is dealing with their own life issues. Lacking sympathy and compassion for people is an ugly trait, but you don’t need to be ugly in return. Simply extend your sincerest wishes to them and feel thankful that they’ve never held their lifeless child in their arms and wondered if they would die. Their ignorance is bliss, and they are so fortunate to have that.

 

I need my husband, and he needs me

 

This is certainly not something we’ve questioned or doubted in the past, but it’s something we are so much more aware of at this point. One thing my husband said to me when we first got engaged was that we would never be the people who sat on separate couches when we watch television or relax at night; we’d sit together. He did not want the same kind of marriage his parents had – they ultimately divorced the year before we wed – after his dad was gone most of his childhood for work, and he did not want to miss out on our future children’s childhoods (he was so sure he’d talk me into having kids…but he probably didn’t think four was our number!). That’s one of the values I love most, but I love it even more knowing that we don’t go through hard things alone. We are right there for one another, and we have one another to hold onto. It’s everything to me.

 

I have to let go

 

I have learned so much lately, and this is such a good thing. If it’s not serving you, let it go. If something isn’t bring you joy or happiness, let it go. Don’t dwell on things. Let them go. Those who live in the past are so unhappy, and they are living such small lives. I can’t sit here and think “What if we’d done XYZ, would it have stopped this from happening?” Or “Why our sweet boy?” Or the many other things that aren’t helpful that are in the past, out of our control, etc. Let it go and let God. If you don’t learn to let it go, you’re going never going to live your best life…which leads me to the following.

 

It’s okay to live your best life

 

I’m a big fan of living my best life, but I found myself saying I wasn’t living my best life following our son’s seizure. I just wasn’t. That’s not who I am. Life wasn’t perfect for me, and I was suddenly not living my best life. Something terrible happened, and suddenly my best life was not easy to see even though I was still living it. When your son is totally fine and his tests are perfect and the doctors tell you he’s a perfectly healthy little love, what about that is not my best life? What about having a healthy son is not best life stuff?

 

My best life is my reality, and I love that about it. My best life is being with my family. My best life is date night. My best life occurs when one of my busy little ones wants to sit down and cuddle with me for even one minute. My best life is lived drinking coffee in my favorite room of my house while my husband sits next to me drinking his and the kids are way too loud. My best life is lived in a five-star resort with a beautiful view and people we love. My best life is lived on Wednesday nights when we get to enjoy our long-standing tradition with our besties. My best life is spending weekends surrounded by the people we love the most laughing and having fun with one another and our kids. My best life is lived being present with my kids. My best life is what makes me happy. It’s not an indication of perfect. It’s my definition of my best life – and I never know where my best life takes me.

 

It’s okay for me to live my best life even when things aren’t perfect. The truth is that no one has a perfect life. My husband irritates me sometimes. He breathes loud when he sleeps sometimes, and it drives me nuts. I have excessive road rage. I am just not a people person. I’m impatient. I’m expensive. I worry, and I have fears, and I have nightmares, and things scare me. I take my 6-year-old nephew to school and pick him up most days, and he drives me beyond crazy because he’s never in a hurry and he’s always in his own world, and I’m annoyed with him more often than no. But that’s me living my best life because I am so fortunate I can do that for my aunt so that her son can go to the school she’s chosen and she can teach at the school where she’s been for decades. Everything that’s imperfect has a good side, and that’s my best life.

 

Life is only as good as you make it, which is why I like to make mine a good one. So, go, create your will. Make a plan. Fix your life. Get rid of things that don’t serve you. Wear big dark glasses and get botox so people can’t see your thoughts on your face. Pray for those who seem sad and lost in their own lives. If you can’t do that, send a prayer of thanks you’re not those people. Focus on the good. Be present. Take a break and spend time doing what you love. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the things that happen to you and around you. Learn. Apply. Move on. Be a good person, always.

Life Update

Happy Wednesday, loves!

I’ve been a little (okay, a lot) MIA lately. Our life has been CRAZY since Valentine’s weekend, and we’ve just been focused on our little family and what has turned into appointment after appointment after appointment after appointment.

You know that saying, “When it rains, it pours?”

(I wish it would literally pour because the only rain we’ve been getting is drizzly and it’s doing nothing to clean the 89 layers of pollen off our deck.)

It’s been metaphorically pouring around here.

Life has some curveballs, and I’m good with that. I expect most of them, and I know that they’re not uncommon, but sometimes it’s a little overwhelming when everything happens at the same time and you can’t live your actual life doing anything you actually need to do or want to do because of it.

To quickly run it down for you, we haven’t been home in six weeks. I mean, we’ve been home, but only Monday through Thursday. Every Friday, Saturday, Sunday has been filled with travel – and one hospital stay.

  • Cheer competition in Tampa
  • Texas for five days
  • Cheer competition in Orlando
  • Hospital for three days
  • Cheer competition in Daytona
  • Cheer competition in Naples

We finally get to stay home for the weekend this weekend, and you’ve never met people more excited than us. It’s been a while since we haven’t had to wake up at the crack of down to put pounds of makeup on our 10-year-old daughter’s face (don’t even get me started on that one…it kills me every single time I have to make her up for a competition. Makeup on children should be illegal).

As if we were not tired enough from the first three weeks of travel, early flights, and lots of long rides in the car, our son suffered a grand mal seizure almost three weeks ago. We were having dinner at our best friend’s house. We’d been at our nephew’s birthday party all day, and we went over there to grill filets and have surf and turf while the kids enjoyed their first pool day of the season.

It was a gorgeous day, and I was having the most fantastic glass of sauvignon blanc on the pool deck with my husband, our best friends, and our best friend’s brother (and our awesome friend) BJ when the kids decided to leave the pool and go out onto the driveway and ride power wheels.

That’s when our 10-year-old daughter began screaming that our 4-year-old son was lying on the ground throwing up, foaming, and shaking “ready bad” and we all ran. Time stopped.

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I don’t remember much other than seeing our sweet boy on the ground, a massive bloody mess on his head, foam coming out of his mouth, vomit running down his cheek, his left side totally still as his right side seized uncontrollably.

I don’t remember anything other than Geremy grabbing Carter and running to his truck while I yelled for BJ to call 9-1-1 as he had his phone in his hand. Craig began running to the truck with Geremy and Carter, and I remember running to it as it was backing down the driveway to head to the gate. I do remember the truck was moving when I opened the back door and jumped in. I think that I thought we were going to the hospital, but Geremy was amazing enough to realize that he had to run down to the end of their property (and it’s big) and open the gate for the ambulance, and the fire station is only a mile or so away.

He took us there. Laid on the horn while we beat on the doors screaming for help. They opened the doors, grabbed our son, and then I remember being in the back of the ambulance with three EMT/Firefighters, my husband, and our baby boy.

Corinna had our three girls, her own three kids, and our niece, who was having a sleepover with us. I don’t remember much else. I know I called Bridget, my niece’s mother, to let her know since we had her daughter. I think she called our moms? I don’t remember.

I just remember the tests.

I remember the moment our son stopped seizing in the truck while my husband held him and screamed for him to wake up and breathe. I remember Geremy yelling that he was breathing just before we got to the fire station. I remember his lifeless body and the fact that he spent almost a half hour unresponsive and out of it. I remember so many little things, and so few other things.

I remember my mom coming to the hospital with my handbag that I left at Geremy and Corinna’s. I remember Geremy and BJ coming to get my car keys from Craig and then coming back with my car and a bag of essentials. Carter was only wearing his wet swimsuit when it happened, and we left everything behind. I remember my mom telling me that my mother-in-law was with the girls and she was taking them back to our house to stay with them for the night.

I remember Geremy bringing with him a bag with dry clothes for Carter, water, his favorite snacks, toothbrushes and toothpaste and even a phone charger. Things we would need for an overnight stay that we didn’t have. I cried because we have the best friends you could ever ask for in the entire world. They took care of our girls, got the entire story about how he made a funny noise, began seizing, and then fell off the power wheel John Deere he was on. They talked to the girls. They cared for them. Geremy was back in the hospital by 7 am the following morning just to check on us and to see Carter. Brian and Bridget were there shortly after with coffee and some of Carter’s favorite things. Corinna and the kids were there right after that. Our moms brought the girls after that. My aunt was there with my nephew after that.

Our room was filled for three solid days with visitor after visitor while Carter went through test after test. A CT scan, an EKG, blood tests, urine tests, drug tests, and he did a 24-hour EEG test. Everything came back clear and perfect. Now he goes to Shands for an MRI to look deeper into his brain.

He was a champ.

And thank God for social media alleviating the need to respond to every single text and call that came through by posting updates there. And thank God for everyone who reached out to check on us, to ask us what we needed, to offer their prayers. Finding out our sweet boy was on the prayer chain not only at our church but at the churches of so many of our friends and family at the same time was powerful.

We are blessed.

Right now, he’s fine. He’s himself. We are not okay a lot of the time. Night is hard. The first week was really hard. Our daughters witnessed it and have been very emotional. Our oldest daughter doesn’t like to be away from him. Our middle daughter is acting out at school in a major way, and she’s overwhelmed when she has to say goodbye to her baby brother in the mornings. Sweet Charlotte is Carter’s twin, and she’s been quiet about the entire thing.

She’s been very close to him, and she doesn’t let him out of her sight. None of us are sleeping well. But we get better each day. It’s hard not knowing what caused it. All we know is that it was not a febrile seizure, it was not caused by trauma to the head, and it was not caused by dehydration or blood sugar issues. At this point, it’s simply unprovoked.

Yesterday, driving to school, he fell asleep in his car seat before it was his turn to pick a song. When I asked him what he wanted, he didn’t respond. In the rearview mirror, his head was down on his chest and he wasn’t responding. I panicked and started yelling his name, and that caused the girls to panic. A few days prior, he was outside playing while we were cleaning out the car after a trip, and he walked around the house. I called his name and when he did not immediately answer, the girls began to panic calling his name and screaming for him. Ava cried. He was fine, but it’s hard to realize that your own panic and fear is causing the same kind of panic and fear in your kids.

It’s a process.

And then there is everything else. We still have cheer, so that means we still have to travel every weekend or every other weekend depending on the week.

We now have a million and 12 follow-up appointments with our pediatrician and our pediatric neurologist. We have a pre-op appointment at Shands this week on top of a meeting at our daughter’s school with the counselor to discuss how we can help her cope with this better when she’s away from her brother, a hair appointment, a pediatric appointment, and an appointment with the plumber (more on that in a minute) on top of my husband working away from home yesterday. It’s been a lot of appointments. I can’t remember the last time I had a normal day when we didn’t have an appointment or I didn’t spend the day packing.

Just to make the month more fun, our AC decided to stop blowing cold air when we got home from the hospital – and it was almost 90 degrees every day. It was a slow stop we didn’t notice right away. It definitely felt warm at home when we got home, but our moms had been staying here with our girls, and they always crank it way up and like it so hot in here. Then it was a little cool, and then it was hot the day we left for Daytona – but we had to leave and we had to kick the AC guy out before he was done…which meant it was hot all weekend while we were gone, hot when we came home Sunday evening, and wasn’t fixed until Monday morning. That was a long day.

Fast forward to this weekend when we were in Naples, and we came home to find our toilets won’t flush but stuff keeps coming up the shower drains when we try to flush them or use the plunger. My husband called the plumber – no, septic people, since they are apparently not the same people – and they came out this morning while he was gone and I had to be home to let them do their job – and informed us that it needed to be pumped – fine – and that our drain field is totally shot to hell and back and needs to be replaced ASAP. So now we are getting a new one of those…whatever those are.

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And I haven’t even begun to work on my taxes yet, which means this month will only get that much more expensive when I turn all that in and find out how much we owe this year #selfemployedproblems. Fortunately, we are blessed and able to handle everything going on in our lives right now without worrying about it. It still doesn’t make it fun, but we are going to have what might as well be a brand-new house after all this! I’ll take it.

And that, my friends, is why I’ve been MIA. I’m currently finishing up a collaboration with an amazing company I should have posted the week Carter was in the hospital but did not, and a few other things. It’s been a heck of a time around here, and we’ve been so tired. Hopefully, this weekend at home will let us get some much-needed rest so we can rejuvenate and spend time with our loved ones….and hope our drain field lasts until they get out here to replace it.

On that note, you won’t get much more from me this month. I need a little more time to catch up and try to get back to normal, but I’ll let you know anytime there’s something new on the site.