There’s an art to not losing my mind.
And I’m not an artist. But that’s all right. I’m also not perfect, so on the rare-ish occasion I do lose my mind, it’s okay. I remind myself that I’m 42, I have four over-achieving academic-athletes and a husband who searched the entire house both upstairs and down yesterday because he needed the broom and it wasn’t in the laundry room where it lives, only to find it in the laundry room two feet from where he looked for it.
I’m going to give him credit where it’s due because we do have a laundry room that’s the size of a bedroom, but the credit comes with a raised brow and judgment. Back to my aforementioned point – sometimes I do lose my mind, but I don’t stress too much about it because, well, you see why.
Truth be told, there are days when my life is calm, easy, and especially enjoyable. How could it not be? I wake up every morning to my husband handing me my coffee, my cute kiddos excited about their days (well, the twins…the big girls are usually asleep), and a sweet pup who’s only using me for walks and snacks.
And then there are days that look like this:
- 7 am SAC meeting at the twins’ school because I’m president
- 5:30 practice for one kid
- 6 pm award ceremony for two kids
- 7:30 away game for another kid…and by away, I mean 45 minutes away
And that doesn’t even take into account any of the things that have to be done between. Like dropping three kids off at two schools at different times, picking up three kids from two schools at different times, writing, working out, walking the dog, getting my life together…but you get the point.
Sometimes – oftentimes – our lives are a little chaotic because we are active and involved parents who don’t miss things. My husband coaches our son’s flag football team, we don’t miss games, we don’t miss award ceremonies, we don’t miss anything – we are always there to cheer on and support our kids, even when we have to divide and conquer. While we prefer to both be in attendance for every single game/match, sometimes we have to split up so that at least one of us is at each game.
And somehow, those days still require things like laundry and making sure the pool screen doors are unlocked so the pool guy can get in and do his thing, and making sure everyone eats and all that fun stuff.
Which is why I think I’m asked all the time how I do it. I really don’t know because I just do. You just do. I mean…it’s what we do as parents. But I’ve thought about it a bit. If people are asking me all the time how we do it, I assume at least a fraction of them genuinely want to know more than ‘I just do’. So, I’ve thought about it – and I realized that I approach taking care of my family a bit like a corporation. I have systems in place to keep me organized and on top of things – and, most importantly, to streamline our lives.
It’s how I don’t lose my mind (as often as I probably could).
System One: Everything is done before I leave for pick-up.
…or before I leave the house in general. There are no dishes in the sink. Laundry is done. Beds are made. Bathrooms are clean. Counters are clean. There’s no clutter or mess anywhere. I’m easily overwhelmed by chaos, so I make sure – before I leave the house – that there is no chaos to overwhelm me.
This allows us to all come home to a clean house, whether we are coming home at 3 pm from pick-up or 10 pm from away games. The best part? This is just such an ingrained habit that everyone in our household does this. No one leaves a mess. No one leaves clutter. Everyone knows there is a place for everything, and they respect that.
System Two: I move my body every single day.
Listen, it would be entirely too easy for me to be an entirely sedentary bitch. I’d lie my ass right down on my couch with my cozy blanket and my fireplace warming me, book in hand, and read all day, every single day of my life. The only thing that would move my ass from the couch is a sunshine-filled, warm day during which I’d trade my cozy blanket for a bikini and lie on my pool deck, book in hand, and read all day, every single day of my life. I’m never joking when I say I’d happily never leave my house again if I wasn’t forced to by my family.
So, with that in mind, I force myself to move even if all I have time for is a quick walk around the neighborhood with the dog. Otherwise, it’s a yoga class or a 30-minute gym session. My point is that I make sure to move every day because I always feel better after, and it helps me stay calmer and collected.
System Three: I don’t decide everything every day.
Every day does not need to be one decision after another. If our evening is busy, we have go-to quick, easy, healthy meals we rely on those evenings (we are not fast food people, to be honest….unless it’s Chick-fil-A) (and do not even get me started on chain restaurants…no, you won’t find me at Chilis). I eat the same breakfast every day. I have the same routine each day. There are so many things in life that I simply do not decide on a daily basis.
Decision-making energy is not for my everyday life. I have go-to things for busy days, and that’s how our family functions easily. Everyone knows – because it’s a habit.
System Four: I stop being productive on purpose.
Sometimes, I get overwhelmed. So, I stop. Why? Because when I’m frustrated and annoyed and overwhelmed, I know I need a moment to myself that doesn’t require a decision making, planning, cleaning, organizing, whatever (also please note I cannot physically leave things messy or waiting on me or undone). But I stop. I’m not going to start something new or ‘really fast’ get something done.
I’m stopping. I’m taking myself outside for fresh air, and I am just reading for a bit. I need it, and it calms me. And one of the best things I ever did for myself was stop being so fucking productive all the time because life is meant to be enjoyed and lived – not planned and executed.
System Five: I get dressed, do my hair, and my makeup.
I have said this my entire adult life, and I’ll continue to say it:
I have four children. There is very little in my life I can actually control. Not the weather, not anyone’s health, not anyone’s schedule, not anyone’s anything. And I’m a control-freak, so that bothers me a teeny tiny HUGE bit. I need control. I need to be in charge of and control everything to feel good.
And I cannot do that as a mother with so many things simply out of my control. But you know what I can control that allows me to have some semblance of control? Myself (but not even like all the way because hello road rage and a lack of patience for the human species). I can control how I look. And when I look good, I feel good.
So, no matter what the day brings, I eat well and work out so that I feel good in my own skin. I moisturize and keep my skincare routine simple so as not to ruin my great skin. I do my hair, I do my makeup, and I get dressed.
Every. Single. Day.
It’s the one thing I can control, so I do it. And it works.
Nothing I do each day – not even one of my very cool systems – is fancy. Nothing is perfect. Nothing requires any type of perfection. I do these things so that I can enjoy my life even when I’m not in control of things. Being overwhelmed isn’t really my vibe, so I implement these unofficial systems each day to minimize that feeling and make it easier to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride that is parenting four overachieving little darlings who absolute refuse to be even remotely middle-of-the-road mediocre at even one damn thing (this is me not complaining about that but also really complaining about that).
Anyway, if you’re asking me how I do it – I just do…But I just do it this way.
Tiffany Raiford 