It’s okay…
It’s okay to do things the way you want them done during the holidays. Honestly. It is. In fact, I highly encourage you to enjoy the holidays precisely the way you love to enjoy the holidays. It’s your life. Your family. Your time.
This reminder feels extra important this year. Addy is a junior in high school. You know what that means? It means that this is the second to last Christmas she’ll live at home. I know she’ll be home for the holidays when she’s away in college, but it’ll be different. She won’t be here when we decorate for Christmas. She won’t be home to see what shenanigans Mr. Elf was up to during the night. She won’t be here for all the things.
And if knowing our days with her home with us are numbered isn’t enough, I’m reminded that this is very likely the last Christmas that will be as magical as the rest for the twins. They turn 11 in a few months. They’re going to middle school in August. Next Christmas, they might not care about the elf (I mean…I’m not super sad about the elf getting the fuck out, but the idea of it being over is hard for me to accept). They might no longer believe in Santa. The magic will still be here, but it’ll be a little dimmer.
And I cannot even think about the fact that Ava is going to high school. It’s too much. But…it’s okay.
It’s all okay.
It’s okay…
…to not have your Christmas shopping done at whatever point you feel you should have it done. Last year, I was so behind and didn’t even have a gift wrapped until the week before Christmas.
…to want to enjoy things as a family. Listen, we have a rule in our household that no one can come to our home on Christmas morning before noon. No one. This is a non-negotiable thing for several reasons. Number one – we are active parents. What does this mean? Craig and I are in the throes of parenthood. We have four kids who we want to make memories with and enjoy as a family – and we want to have our morning with them on Christmas when it’s just the six of us. The minute others walk through the door, we lose them because our attention is no longer solely on our family. We need this time as a family to savor the most magical morning of the year. Soon enough, they’ll all be adults and enjoying their Christmas mornings with their own families. We want to savor the time we have with the family we created. Number two – we don’t want to rush through Christmas morning. Been there, done that…it sucks. Rushing through the most magical day of the year removes the joy. Open gifts, hurry and clean up after yourselves, get breakfast going, take a shower, hurry and get your hair and makeup and clothes on, hurry up and rush through all the beautiful things you want to enjoy. Craig and I want to sit back with our coffee and open gifts with the kids slowly. We want to let them open things and play with them. We want to enjoy it…not rush it. The family you created is your number one priority – and your holiday decisions should reflect what’s most important to you this time of year as the years you have this are so limited.
…to say no, thank you, to invitations. I did this just this weekend. We returned home from our annual post-Thanksgiving trip and I immediately turned down an invitation from one of my very favorite people. She hosted a lovely ladies pajama brunch with a group of women, but I was so people-d out that I said no, thank you. Then, I put on my Christmas pajamas and got cozy on my couch reading a new book. It was magical. It’s okay to turn down invitations. You don’t have to exhaust yourself.
…to want to slow down. Life is meant to be lived, and no one is living it if all they’re doing is rushing through it.
…to love the little things the most. The lights twinkling at night. The scent of a Christmas tree. Christmas pajamas. Holiday movie night at home with your little family. These are the best parts of the holiday.
…to really dislike the whole taking the kids to and from school thing for the month of December. Honestly, it’s a lot. It’d be so much better if the whole month was a no school month.
…to really, really dislike all the fucking activities this month. Listen. I love my kids and I’m going to all of these things because they want us there and it’s important to them, but could we please – for the love of God – do away with the thanksgiving/Christmas school lunch feast and the constant “show up for this, dress up for that” stuff at the schools? These things are not enjoyable, and no one has time for all 703874745 of them. I see what you’re doing. I respect it…but we’re also in our 13th year of having kids in school, so give me a little grace as I eloquently try to make it clear that we are so, so tired of these things. It’s the parents going through school stuff for the first time who enjoy these things. Not those of us who are in our 13th year of the same thing on repeat. It’s like groundhog day forever.
…to watch Hallmark Christmas movies (SHAWNA…just do it) because they’re priceless for the month of December.
…to be thankful for your life and to appreciate what you have. I am so thankful every year that I get to wake up on Christmas morning with my husband and our kids and open gifts & I don’t have to deal with custody things. I’m so thankful every year that I’m married to a man who has always taken it upon himself to fill all the family stockings on Christmas and I’m not making Instagram reels begging him to remember to fill mine because he’s the one who does them for the whole family. I am so thankful that I don’t have to cook holiday meals because my husband does that, too. I am so thankful that my family love Christmas as much as I, and it’s just the best season.
…to dislike leaving the house. It’s horrible out there. People are the worst. Honestly. Have you ever seen a snowbird on the road? They’re terrible.
…to love eggnog.
…to love wrapping gifts.
…to hate wrapping gifts.
…to have different opinions than your family.
…to feel how you feel about it being dark at 5:30 pm. I love it more than anything. My husband hates it more than anything. And it’s okay that he feels the wrong way about the most wonderful time of the year.
…to love giving gifts so much more than receiving them.
…to have no idea what to get your spouse. Christmas is such a struggle when you’re an adult who can buy what you want when you want it, and then you have to figure out what to get them. I have to get really creative with my husband – and he with me. And we both have to lay down the law that neither of us buys anything we want in the month of December so that we can let the other buy it and put it under the tree. The struggle is real.
…to do Christmas differently. The big, major gift comes from Santa on Christmas morning. The rest comes from us and we wrap and place gifts under the tree throughout the season. We have friends who put nothing under their tree until Christmas morning because it’s all from Santa. You do it your way.
…to be really fucking annoyed at those who try to ruin the magic. It’s cool if your kids don’t believe, but do ask that they keep their beliefs to themselves so as not to ruin the magic for other kids.
…to be peopled out and need a break. I get it. I feel it. I live it. I am it.
…to invite yourself over to your friends’ houses when you know they’re going to be making some kind of decadent soup for dinner because it’s soup season and you can’t make your own soup nearly as well as your friends.
…to love the décor but dislike the glitter. It’s also okay to just say fuck it and embrace the fact that the glitter is now a forever part of your life. Forever. Until you die.
Happy December, everyone.
Tiffany Raiford 