Happy Mother’s Day, Mamas!
If you’d told me 9 years ago when I was celebrating my first Mother’s Day as an expectant mommy-to-be that Mother’s Day would become a day that’s so bittersweet, I never would have believed it. I was high on life, on the baby we were expecting, and on everything else. Life was just so good. It is so good. I have no complaints; we have our minor issues, but our problems are the epitome of first world problems, and I’m constantly reminded how spoiled and ungrateful I sound when I complain about them. I try hard not to, but some days get to me.
I never would have believed Mother’s Day was going to be a day I’d celebrate with tears of sadness mixed with tears of joy, but God has other plans for me than the ones I create for myself. My plans are laughable, and they’re nothing in comparison to what my God has in store for me. That’s why when 7 years ago I woke up on Mother’s Day to celebrate my second as a mother, I had tears in my eyes, a puffy face, and a broken heart.
You see, the day before was just another day. Until it wasn’t another day. I was almost two months pregnant with our second baby – except that second baby wasn’t meant to be. Our second baby wouldn’t make it another day to Mother’s Day. I miscarried that night. My heart hurt in a way that I can’t put into words. It still hurts each time I think of that beautiful baby I will one day get to meet in Heaven. I didn’t know it then, but I’d experience the same pain a few months later as I quickly became pregnant again and lost our third baby, as well. It all began on Mother’s Day – and it hurt. Two babies we’ll one day meet – but haven’t yet gotten to know.
It’s true we were blessed again about 6 weeks later with yet another pregnancy, and that pregnancy resulted in the birth of our feisty, silly, intelligent, sweet, kind Ava Cathryn. And we ended up pregnant only two years after that with a set of twins. Coincidence after losing two babies? I think not.
Like I said; I have no complaints about life. We learned very quickly that Mother’s Day 7 years ago that our problems aren’t real problems when faced with actual, real life problems. We learned very quickly to appreciate the little things. To be very grateful for the little moments. To embrace the imperfection of ourselves and our kids, and to laugh as many of the parent-problems we have off. We appreciate so much more since then, and we practice (and sometimes fail) to really take pleasure in the smallest things.
I didn’t know then that Mother’s Day would be a bittersweet day for me. I always find a moment in which I wonder what life would be like if that baby had been born. I wouldn’t have had a second miscarriage, but I also wouldn’t have Ava Cathryn. And we might not have the twins. I couldn’t see then why something so tragic could happen to us, but God’s plan is often much clearer when it’s been revealed. He had a greater plan for us, and that leads me to my actual point today.
Happy Mother’s Day!
It’s a lovely day in which we will entertain our extended families, spend time with the kids, and open many cards, smell many flowers, enjoy a lovely church service, and probably have a few too many glasses of Sancerre. It’s a good day.
A really good day. I mean, it could be a great day if it involved Sancerre on a beach or at the spa without the kids or the extended family over, a good book, and room service – but that’s not what made us moms, so a day with the kids it is.
Nine years a mama, four kids, two angel babies, and a lot of love, laughter, and tears later, I’m still shedding a few tears on Mother’s Day, but they’re not all sad tears. It’s a day for me to really just honor the little people who call me mom (entirely too many times, if we’re being honest here) by sharing 6 surprising things I love most about being a mom. I chose 6 because of Addison, Ava, Charlotte, and Carter, and for the two babies we so sadly lost before we ever got to know them.
- Early Morning Wake-Ups
It’s a 5 am alarm on weekdays for a few hours of work and coffee and vanity before the tiny humans wake up, and it’s 7-8ish on the weekends. It’s not the leisurely 10-11 it once was, but I love waking up early. I love that time. It turns out, I’m a morning person; but I really just love those weekend wake-ups with the kids come running into our room all kinds of excited to see us, jumping into our bed, and cuddling with us for a few moments before we begrudgingly drag ourselves out from the warmth of our duvet to the hard-knock life of breaking up fights and arguing over whose pancake is bigger.
- The Mess
Anyoen who knows me is dying right now. I hate messes. I don’t allow them, I make sure they’re cleaned up in about a half a second. But…the mess I’m cleaning up after the kids means I have a full, happy home of little people who enjoy life. That’s something pretty spectacular.
- The Noise
I don’t even know what quiet sounds like, and I don’t really want to. Our house is L.O.U.D. at all times. It’s six people all trying to be heard, and it’s a lot of screaming, laughing, and fun. That noise might bother some people, but I really love it. I love it because that noise means family. It means love, and it means happiness. I love that.
- Big Grocery Bills
I remember the day we’d spend all of $50 at the supermarket in a week before we had kids. Okay, so half that was wine and the other half was maybe a package of chicken and some veggies – because we never ate at home. Now we spend $500+ every week at Publix (at least) and I don’t hate it. It means my house is full, our bellies are full, and we will never have a lonely dinner table, breakfast nook, or meal. It means I’ll always have a house filled with people I love an awful lot on holidays, Sunday evenings, and random nights even when they’re all grown up and on their own.
- Sticky Kisses
When a messy, snotty, sticky baby puts his or her hands on your cheeks and turns your face directly to theirs and plants a loud, mushy kiss right on my lips – it is every single thing ever in life. You learn as a mom not to complain about kisses you might consider nasty and gag-worthy from anyone else. Those kisses might be the best thing that ever happened in life.
- No Free Hands With Which to Do Anything
I never have a free hand. Handbags, diaper bags, kids hands, or even the twins in both arms is my go-to, and I love it. I love that I can’t answer my phone when it rings while the kids are with me. I love that I can barely get the keys out of my bag to unlock the car when they’re with me. I will always have my husband’s hand to hold when the kids are grown and gone off on their own, but I’ll always have a free hand. Right now, my full hands (and my fuller heart) mean I have four little people who love me so much, all the time, forever, and they want nothing more than to be close to me.
I’m a mommy, and it’s kind of the most awesome thing ever. I love the love I see between my kids and their siblings, my kids and my husband, and my kids and everyone else in their lives. They love hard and when I see how much and how hard they love, it makes me smile. Because their ability to love that hard and that much comes from us. They can give that kind of love because that’s the kind of love we give to them. And that makes me feel like a total badass.
Tiffany Raiford 