I’m tired.
There. I said it.
I have over-committed myself this year. I have taken on too many things. I have gone above and beyond the degree of what I’m comfortable doing. While I’m happy to go outside my comfort zone, I’m not so happy to admit that I’ve put myself in a situation in which I’m forced to make choices I don’t want to make, or to do things I don’t necessarily want to do.
No one – no one – likes to admit they cannot do it all, but there’s this saying that I’ve seen around (thanks, Pinterest) that speaks to my soul.
You can do anything, but you cannot do everything.
I relate so much to this.
When I began my business more than a decade ago, it was because I had the time, I had the desire, and I had a dream. I had no idea it would grow into what it’s grown into today, and I’m so darn proud of it. Who ever thought a little housewife and mom from Florida could take a passion for writing and turn it into a business that has provided services to some of the biggest companies and brands in the country? I didn’t – and I had a pretty big dream.
I didn’t see that happening, but I also had a dream. I was going to be mom of the year every year (yeeeeeaaaahhhhhhhh…that didn’t work out how I planned). I was going to bake all the things. I was going to keep the cleanest house on the planet (this I actually do…well, I don’t personally do it, but someone does it). I was going to be at every school event. I was going to be on every committee. I was going to do it all, and I was going to do it in a pair of designer shoes and a perfectly chosen outfit.
And guess what? I did it.
And I’m tired.
I’m on the PTA. I volunteer in the elementary school classrooms. I volunteer in the middle school. I volunteered to coach not one but two competitive cheer squads (a year-long commitment) so that two of my girls could continue their dreams of being competitive cheerleaders. I run a successful business and write hundreds of thousands of words every month. I date my husband. I raise four kids (team work on that one, baby). I have an active social life. I travel. I work out 5 to 6 days a week. I do a lot of things, and I’m tired.
I find myself struggling regularly to keep up with the demands of my schedule. I don’t want to leave any of it behind, but I cannot do it all. I’ve lost 21 hours of my week this year because of middle school pick up times and elementary school pick up times and cheer practices two nights a week. I’m overwhelmed trying to keep up with everything on my plate, and it’s making me an ugly person. Literally – my face will not stop breaking out.
In this season of my life, I’m giving things up that I don’t necessarily want to give up, but I need to for my own sanity, for the sake of my kids, and for the sake of my own well-being. I’m not afraid to say no to things that don’t sit well with my soul, but I dislike saying no to thinks I’ve committed myself to doing, things that make me feel like I’m making a difference. But…I love writing. I love what I do. I love my clients. I’ll never give that up.
So, where does that leave me? It leaves me tired. I spent 20 hours at the gym this weekend for choreography weekend for the two little squads I’m helping coach. It was hot. It was long days. It was hot, long days. I missed my family. I missed home. I missed the quality time I spend with my five favorite people over the weekend, and I’ll admit that I wasn’t feeling overly happy about how I was feeling. And that’s when it hit me – my perspective is all off. It’s not poor me. It’s not feel sorry for me. It’s not omg my weekend was long.
It’s “How fortunate am I that I played an integral role in ensuring these little girls (and boy) get to continue doing something they love after their coach retired from the position unexpectedly and there was no one to coach the squad?” It’s “How fortunate am I to get to hang out with these kids who get to do the thing they love as much as I loved it growing up, and how fortunate am I that I have experience as a cheerleader and coach to help me help make their little dreams come true?”
When I shifted my way of thinking, my heart was immediately lighter. My mind was clearer – well, as clear as it can be after 78 cups of coffee and not nearly enough sleep over the course of two days. Perspective is everything, and I’m challenging myself to take my biggest complaints as of late and turn them into positive thoughts. Here we go.
I’m tired.
- How fortunate am I to share my life with five people who love me so much, and who I love so much? How fortunate am I that we are surrounded by friends and family who love us all so much that they want to spend their time with us so often? How fortunate am I that our cups are overflowing with so many amazing people?
I don’t have time.
- How fortunate am I that I get to fill my days with things I love? So many people spend their time idly doing things that don’t fulfil them and don’t make them happy. So many people struggle to find things to do, and they struggle to find peace and happiness in their everyday lives. They struggle to fill their time with positive things, people, and activities. Their weekends are spent at home doing nothing with no one. How fortunate am I that I have so little time because I live a life so filled with beautiful things, people, and experiences?
I miss my family when I’m busy doing other things.
- How fortunate am I that I get to spend so much time with my kids, even when it’s not all together all the time, helping them do the things that they love? Taking them to the sports and activities that bring them such joy and happiness? How fortunate am I that I love my family so much that I miss them when I’m away from them, even if it’s only for a few hours? There are a lot of people who miss their loved ones all the time because they don’t get to spend time together. There are many people who don’t miss their family at all because they are so unhappy with their families. How fortunate am I to miss my people when I’m not with them for a few hours?
My kids are being special.
- Kids will be kids, my friend, and there is little we can do about that. They get tired. They get overwhelmed. They are exhausted going back to school and activities. They are struggling to get themselves acclimated to this new schedule. They can be a little trying sometimes. But how fortunate am I that these moments are few and far between? How fortunate am I that our biggest struggle with our kids on a regular basis is how they dress? So what if they have like 3 favorite items of clothes they like to wear all the time and they have thousands of dollars in clothing in their closets with tags on them that they will probably never wear because they want to see me lose my mind? How fortunate am I that we have the means to provide them with these things even if they choose not to utilize them? So many people are not so fortunate.
My kids are expensive.
- They really are so expensive. But, how fortunate are we that we are able to provide for them when they need something, when they want something, and even when they don’t want something but I just know they will love it so much for about 4 seconds before they’re over it? How fortunate are we that we can take them shopping when they remember that they have to dress up for AVID this week and suddenly have nothing to wear? How fortunate are we that we can send them all to school with filled out picture day forms and checks to pay for hundreds of dollars worth of pictures we won’t even frame or hand out because our kids instantly turn into Chandler when he and Monica were taking their engagement photos on FRIENDS? How fortunate are we that we can spend $600 a week at Publix on fruit because that’s what they love to eat the most?
I’m so busy.
- How fortunate am I that I’ve been able to build a client list so extensive that I’m constantly asked to do more? How fortunate am I that I’ve been able to work with some of the coolest people in the world doing writing I never thought I’d do? How fortunate am I that they recommend me to other companies, and those companies reach out to me because they’ve heard such great things about working with me? How fortunate am I that our weekends are filled with pool days and river house days and date nights and football parties because we have friends who are the most amazing people on the planet? How fortunate are we that our kids have such amazing friends with amazing parents, and that many of their friends are kids they’ve known since the day they were all born? How fortunate am I to have a husband who wants to date me and spend time with me all the time? How fortunate to be so loved and to love so much.
Our house is always full of kids and it is never, ever quiet.
- Okay, okay. Most of that is our fault (Raiford couldn’t keep his hands off me, and Dr. King didn’t get his hands on him soon enough) with our choice to have four kids (wait…was that our choice? We were going for a third….not a set of twins. How fortunate are we to have gotten a bonus baby we didn’t even know we needed in our lives until we had him/her?). But, how fortunate are we that my sister-aunt trusts us enough to care for her little boy for hours every morning before school so we can get him to school for her while she’s off at work guiding and counseling the youth of today? How fortunate are we that our kids’ friends love to be in our home so much? How fortunate are we that our kids’ friends’ parents trust us and love us enough to let their kid spend so much time with us? How fortunate are we that our kids have such amazing friends and sweet friendships? How fortunate are we that we have the space to accommodate a fifth child 3-4 days/nights a week most weeks without worrying it will disrupt bath time or bed time or dinner seating arrangements or whatever with our own kids? We’ve got it pretty good over here.
My husband has been working 16-20 hours days a lot lately.
- He has been the past few weeks, and I hate it. But, how fortunate am I that he works from home, and he’s with us even when he’s in the office? How fortunate am I that he’s here to make breakfast for the kids and do the laundry and sit down with us for dinner and help with homework and pour me a glass of wine every single day? How fortunate am I that my husband’s career is one he loves, and that he is so good at what he does that everyone wants him to do their projects and they want him to work with them and they want him to handle their situations? How fortunate am I that he works for a company who recognizes his value and what he has to offer? And how fortunate am I that I get to spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with the man I’ve loved for the past 18 years, and I miss him when he’s on the other side of the house?
I could go on and on with how overwhelmed I’ve become this year, but I’ll focus on how I’m learning to readjust my schedule, and how I’m learning to readjust my perspective. I might be tired and busy, but those things are so because my life is full.
My full life gives me a full heart, even when I can readily admit that I’m overcommitted and it’s time to start scaling back and saying no to things that don’t jive with my vibe this year. I’m good at that, and I’m not worried about it. But, really, if you take every complaint you have and you turn it around, you will see that your life is so full, and it’s so amazing.
Try it. I dare you.
Tiffany Raiford 