Being liked is not a goal.
Unfortunately, most people will never realize this. They want to be popular, well-liked, and universally approved of, and too many people fail to see this is not a good thing. Being like should never be the goal.
In the interest of being upfront and honest – I’m not here to be liked.
I’m here to be happy, to make a positive impact in this little world that is mine and my family’s, and to do my best. Now, don’t mistake my lack of desire to be liked for a desire to be disliked. I don’t aim to be disliked. I simply understand that I’ll always be disliked by people. People who don’t know me, who don’t agree with me, who are unhappy with their own lives, and who simply don’t matter. And that’s all right.
Being liked means you stay in a bubble. Being universally liked requires people to shrink themselves and be less. Being liked is when people smile at you because you said something agreeable and non-threatening. That’s…not me.
I’m not saying something agreeable just to fit in. I’m saying what I think without concerning myself with whether my opinion is a popular one. On that note…do not think there was a time in my life when I was desperate to fit in and be liked. There absolutely was.
I cared so much. I worried that people misunderstood my tone or if I was too much or if people liked me. I worried whether I’d fit in. And let me tell you how much I do not miss feeling like that. The person I was before 2007 gives me nightmares. I never want to be her again. I never want to be that insecure, that crazed, or that desperate for attention or praise. Ever. That Tiffany was everything I dislike about people. She did what she felt she needed to do to fit in at the moment with a specific person, she said things she didn’t mean or believe just to be liked, and she wasn’t herself. She cared too much, and she didn’t give herself even an ounce of grace. She had no confidence.
Here’s the truth.
If your goal is to be liked by everyone, you will slowly begin editing yourself into a very boring, very exhausted version of yourself that you won’t even like. If you don’t even like yourself, how can you expect other people to like you?
More importantly, if you don’t even like yourself, why on earth would you even care if other people like you? The only person who absolutely needs to like you is you. If you aren’t happy, what’s the point?
Life is really sweet when you like yourself. When you begin to realize that liking yourself is a wonderful way to make real friends who love you for who you are and with whom you can be yourself, you change the world. And if we are being honest, at this age, life is mostly just managing logistics and pretending you’re not beyond irritated by every minor inconvenience along the way. Do I offend people? I do. But not because my goal is to offend them. I only offend those who take everything personally and who are afraid to say what they think.
But do I lose sleep over it? Not even a little. When I’m losing sleep it’s because I have a really good book to finish or I’m absolutely terrified that the free night on the calendar isn’t actually free it’s just that I forgot to put something down on the calendar. Oh, and wondering where in the flying fuck all of our spoons have gone. Seriously. Where are the spoons?
Being liked is fine, but it’s optional.
Those who are well liked by all are those who don’t have a real opinion or personality. Being well liked means you are afraid to stand up for what you believe in because you don’t want to rock the boat or be perceived as ‘different’ than others. And that’s not something you should feel okay with.
So here’s your Wednesday reminder that it’s okay not to have a million friends. You don’t even like a million people. It’s better to be yourself, have fewer friends, and actually like yourself. And for those of you who do have a million friends and think this doesn’t apply to you…it does. You just can’t hear what your million ‘friends’ say about you when you’re not in the room. And that’s all you need to know about being liked.
Tiffany Raiford 