I turn 43 in one week.
Forty-fucking-three.
And while I’m not worried about getting older, I am a little bit worried that I should probably have more things in life figured out…not everything because I’m not delusional. But…more things. Some things, perhaps?
When I was younger than almost 43, I did think that my 40s would be a be more…adulthood-oriented. Like this is the age I’d finally feel like a whole ass grownup. Yet here we are. Me, almost 43 and just winging it every day because I don’t know what the hell is going on. I’m not even sure I’m an active participant in my own life so much as just a casual observer and included member of the cast some days. I did think I’d wake up knowing what I’m doing more often that I actually do, but okay.
Here I am, almost 43 and still making my Google box wonder what the hell is wrong with me every single day (because how do I seriously not know how long chicken is good in the fridge when I’ve been cooking chicken for literal decades?). Turns out, thinking I’d have things figured out at almost 43 was pretty fucking delusional of me. Very unrealistic.
But for the sake of laughs, I’m going to share with you the things I genuinely thought I’d have figured out by now.
How to keep my bathroom mirrors clean
I should be very honest here and tell you that I do know how to keep all the mirrors in all the bathrooms of my house clean, but it involves getting rid of my husband and kids. So I remain at a loss.
What I want to be when I grow up
I’ve been a writer for decades. I love to write. That’s not going to change. But do I want to write a book? Do I want to continue the blog? Do I want to figure out how to marry the blog to Instagram and become an influencer? No idea.
All I know is that when I grow up, I want four kids who still want to come home as often as possible. I want my husband to think I’m the greatest person in the world. I want to still sit on the couch with my best friends in our comfy clothes while husbands make us cocktails and we watch documentaries about murderers and crazy bitches. I want to read and have great skin and I want to be happy.
How to have patience
So…let’s be honest. This has never been my strong suit, but I did think I’d eventually have a day in which I’d be a bit more patient. Spoiler alert – almost 43 is not that day. But it’s all right. It’s hard to have patience in a world full of fucking morons who don’t know how to drive, use a parking lot, grocery shop, or use a car line.
Essentially, it’s not me. It’s literally everyone else.
How to be a cool mom
I don’t think I’m a very cool mom. I’m a very tired mom. I’m a very ‘fuck those kids they are trash,’ mom when other people’s kids are annoying. I’m an always in the stands watching mom, but I don’t’ think I’m a cool mom. Like I’m not staying up l ate with you. I’m not riding a roller coaster with you. I’m still going to stalk you on Life360. I’m not chill. I’m not nonchalant.
How to feel like an adult
It’s been really hard on me to grow older and realize that my parents – the people I thought knew everything – don’t know a fucking thing and are just winging it like myself. What a realization to wake up with the mindset of ‘I trusted these two with my entire life – literally – growing up, but now I know they didn’t have a clue, either,’ okay mom and dad.
I don’t feel like an adult. My husband went out of town for a few nights a few months ago and I was like, “But who is going to take care of us?” and that’s when I realized it’s ME. I’m the adult. I’m the one who has to protect everyone from everything. What????
How to have it all together
You guys…I know so many people think I have it all together, and I’m about to break your hearts. I do not. I just look like I do because I own killer foundation and an arsenal of high-end products, shoes, and accessories that make me look put together even when I’m not.
…it’s okay though.
I might be 43 in a week, and I might not have it all together. I might not know how to use the televisions around our house. I certainly don’t know how to use the lights in the kitchen because now they’re smart and clearly I’m not. I might have to call my husband and ask him which gas is premium so I don’t put the wrong as in my car. I might struggle with the concept of being the responsible party around here…but I’m okay with it.
I don’t have to have everything figured out. What fun is life if you know everything? Where’s the adventure? I don’t have it all figured out, and I’m cool with that. Because I’ve come the conclusion that getting older isn’t about knowing exactly what I’m doing. It’s about being comfortable enough with myself to be okay with not knowing.
